I've got a big secret about marriage. It may shock you, it may not. Brace yourselves. Here we go.
Marriage is HARD and it takes a lot of work to keep it going. It takes work to stay in sync with each other. It takes work to keep the peace. It takes work to be happy. But here's the second part of the secret, all that work is so worth it.
There are certain things that you know that will be a challenge going into a marriage. Patience, compromise, socks/shoes all over the place, finances, etc. Some of them you've been practicing since you were small, others not so much. Experiencing these things with another person is a whole different story.
Hubs and I were chatting over dinner the other day about all the things we've learned about each other and about marriage being just over a year in. His list and my list were slightly similar, but were so enlightening.
// "Just let her do her thing."
I giggled a little when he said this, but it's been a real challenge for him. He's not as social as I am, but we've made compromises and I make sure that my social nature doesn't take away from my attentions to him.
// "Make time for a real date night."
This has helped us so much. Right now our date night is grocery night. We go out to dinner and do any shopping we need to do before we get groceries and come home.
// "If she doesn't know the real balance of the bank account, she won't go crazy in Target."
Ok. This one took me by surprise, but it's true. I don't ever know what our account balance is, and I like it that way. I am an impulsive spender, Hubs is a saver. Him being in charge of the finances makes me feel secure, and I don't spend as much when I don't know how much money we have.
// "You learn what it really takes to be supportive of your spouse's goals."
This goes both ways really. But he's been nothing but supportive about school, about this blog, and about anything else I want to accomplish.
// "We speak totally different languages, but I have learned how to interpret his now."
Growing up in totally different family atmospheres, we learned to communicate very very differently. That on top of our different love languages makes for quite a hurdle. But we've learned each other's language.
// "Snoring becomes ambient background noise that actually helps you sleep."
Laugh all you want, but as long as he's snoring I know he's still breathing. When I first moved here, he didn't snore as badly, but I would notice that he'd stop breathing for several seconds and then take a big breath.
// "Sometimes it's just better to ask for forgiveness than permission."
This sorta goes with me being an impulsive spender. Also when it comes to our furkids. This rule can apply to lots of different areas of life though.
// "We are both at fault in some way when we argue about things."
I'm not perfect. Neither is he. But sometimes we have these crazy expectations of each other. Sometimes we keep score, we get defensive, we don't really listen to the other. But we always apologize, we always make up, and we always make positive steps forward. Communication is a work in progress, but at least there is progress.
How long have you been married? What lessons have you learned?