March 29, 2014

8 Things I Learned From Failed Relationships

8 Things I learned from failed relationships

If I were to write a letter to the men I've dated (before Philip) it would go something like this:

Dear Ex-boyfriends, Ex-fiance, and various men of my past,

Lets skip the polite greetings and get to the point of this letter cause you probably don't even care how I'm doing and how much better off I am without you. Really, you're just curious as to why I would even address you at all.

I want to thank you. Yep, THANK YOU.

I learned a lot from our relationships: the ones that weren't good for me, the flings that never really meant anything, and the ones I knew deep, deep down weren't really going to work out in the long run. Each one of you brought a new perspective to my life and taught me different things about men, relationships, and, most importantly, about myself. Here's a list of the lessons you unknowingly taught me that have shaped who I am and how I am still able Love.

1.Patience. I was never a patient child, and an even less patient adult, but I have and still am learning to be patient when it comes to other people who are important to me.

2.Sex does not equal Love. While sex is an important part of an intimate relationship, no matter how amazing it is, it's not the only thing that should be holding it together. A solid relationship is built on a foundation of trust, honesty, and communication.

3.Actions speak louder than words. You can talk my ear off with promises of change or being a better person, but that doesn't mean you will actually hold up your end of the bargain. Without the actions to back it up, "I Love You" is just another sentence.

4.If a man wants you in his life, he will make time for you. We all have our own schedules and routines, but when you care about someone you make room for them. Hang out with your friends two days a week instead of three; go to the gym in the mornings instead of after work (or workout together!); include your girlfriend in your group outings.

5.You aren't going to like everything about someone. Don't get me wrong, you should like most things about the person you are dating, but no one is perfect. I learned what I can and can't live with in a man, and it's helped me accept the things I cannot change.

6.Skip the "Honeymoon Phase". Be straight forward with the person you are dating from the beginning. That way you don't waste time, energy, and money on someone who just wants to bang you a few times, gets "scared" (a.k.a. bored), and dumps you because they "don't want to hold you back."

7.Don't stick around if you are truly unhappy. Every relationship has hard times, but if I am resenting him, angry all the time, and not giving or receiving any affection, it's ok to admit the relationship isn't working.

8.Listen to the people around you. If all or most of your friends and family are telling you that he is definitely NOT the one for you for legit reasons (not race, religion, sports team preferences, etc.), they are probably right. Trust me, you'll totally look back and see it later.

So you see, you've taught me some pretty good life lessons that I am putting to good use in my current relationship. Now, I don't want you to think this is an open invitation to be a part of my life again; things didn't work out between us for a reason. And I don't require a reply of any kind. Just know that even though most of you were huge dickwads, I still appreciate our time together and what it has taught me. Thanks again!


  1. You are completely right on all of these! I couldn't have ever put it into words, but you did so very well! (wow, that sounded automated). :)

    1. Thanks! I wrote this in hopes that someone may learn something from my failures and not make the same mistakes that I did.

  2. Learning from your mistakes is the most important part of the process. Take whatever your learn and move on.



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